Wearing Your Stimulus Check
The year is 2021 and we’re off to a terrific start. The omniscient and benevolent government that is so in-touch with its people has bestowed a great endowment upon the inhabitants of this great nation when they needed it most in the form of a stimulus check. There has not been much aid to America, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, and its citizens over the course of this pandemic. The powers that be, however, have decided that enough is enough, and they are going to make up for the months and months of rent payments, medical bills and _ with a whopping $600 check. Some people may not know what to do with all of this money, but FEAR NOT. For a frame of reference, let’s look at what this jackpot would be able to afford you.
This $545 dollar monogram LV wallet costs just enough money to give you about $7 to carry around after taxes.
round after taxes.
The government said “you can be poor, but don’t walk around looking like it anymore.” Thank you, elected officials. #PoorNoMore
For the cost of one (1) stimulus check you can walk around town carrying the most expensive envelope you’ve ever seen (and it’s PINK)! If this tiny purse is actually too tiny for you to carry around your belongings, you can always slap on some postage stamps and send a friend some mail to help save the USPS.
Live your 1970s fantasy in these orange high-waisted, flared floral pants while you embody your inner 1970s activism against the establishment and inequality riddled throughout the world. These pants exemplify ‘flower power’ revolution.
Since we’re working from the comfort of either our or our parents’ homes, you can attend to all of your WFH needs in this luxurious Versace robe.
Forget about the complete and utter chaos in the world for a sec. Twirl around your apartment like you have no care in the world in this DVF wrap dress.
You can prep for summer 2021 in advance with this one-piece brown lycra Fendi swimsuit. If nothing else, you can reminisce on your days of vacationing in the tropics while you idly swim around your bathtub.
If all else fails, you can save up your stimulus check for a measly downpayment on a Birkin bag.
It’s important to note that while this stimulus is a ton of money, it will afford you one of these designer items. Everyone say thank you to the government for keeping us humble. This is just the boost that America needed to have everyone looking like 600 bucks. If $600 won’t pay for your groceries or your apartment or your other basic living expenses over a span of nine months, at least it has the power to buy you one singular garment.
By Ryán Salamo
Instagram: @astr0man74